


Defectice Thoughts

by MountainMew



Category: Drag-On Dragoon | Drakengard
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 11:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4520616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MountainMew/pseuds/MountainMew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My dragon smooching days come to an end in a fic that includes absolutely zero mentions of actual smooching of the dragon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Defectice Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> I got a bunch of guidebooks from DOD1 yesterday and I’m so freakin’ giddy about it!!!  
> Ahh... the art for DOD1 was so good.... I really want more... I just love leaning about Drakenier so much. Like, I also, yesterday, stumbled upon an interview with Emi Evans and just thought “Huh... So that’s how all this came to be! So cool!”  
>  One day, I really want to write for Nier. I just don’t know what to say, tho! It’s not like Drakengard, where I have a constant need for lots of dragon kisses, y’know? 
> 
> Mmm... Anyway, I think this will be the last time I touch on Drakengard for now. I’ve enjoyed the journey, but I think it’s time to move on for now. Not from my enjoyment, of course. I’m still gonna get all giddy and gush about how much I love the series. Just, no more writing. I am satisfied with these.  
> So, I sincerely hope everyone’s enjoyed my work here! I’ve had a lot of fun!
> 
> Edit: So, I realized I misspelt Defective in the title, and I want to change it, but I can't help but laugh at how aesthetically pleasing "Defectice" looks. Plus, if you google Defectice by mistake, my fic comes up in the results. How can I resist free publicity!!

  For some men, a smile is the first sure sign of allegiance one could show. Indeed, a smile creates friends and holds a nation together when war comes to tear it apart, inside and out. There was a time even I could smile to my fellow people for such benign things as peace on a clear day.  
   Even still, I found myself trapped without escape, that my only peace could be found in swordplay. Waving around this junk metal, it reminds me of home.  
  
   At the first sight of blood, Furiae screamed. Scolded us to play nicer with each other. I’m certain Furiae only pleads for us to stop for my sake, but she’s very much a foolish woman. Honestly, fighting a wall is more enlightening than sparring with Inuart, and more often than not I rather would be pitted against a wall.  
   I have flaws, like anyone else, and in those times it was my soft spot for my foolhardy companion.  
  
   When I first had to clean off blood from my sword, I thought little of it. No one died, so it didn’t feel very climactic of a lesson. And still, my Father seemed displeased in me. At the time, I couldn’t understand what had been so wrong with using a sword as it was meant to be used. If he was trying to protect me, he soon failed by dying off like the weak man he was.  
   I want to miss them, truly I do, but I can’t shake this feeling if I stop to mourn that I, too, will falter in my weakness. I have to become strong, to protect what they could not.  
   I swore, that night, to Furiae, that I would kill that dragon. For once, she didn’t say anything.  
  
   I’ve always had a hard time denying Furiae. She’s something precious-- she’s my reason to live.  
   When she chose to be the Goddess seal, that was the first I had ever told her no.  
   Ever since, she seems a lot quieter.  
  
98... 99... 100...  
   I always thought my hundredth kill would change me. I may well have slaughtered a small town at that rate. They keep coming and coming, like a pack of flies. Did they ever end? Just how large had the Empire grown?  
998... 999... 1000...  
   Would I have lasted much longer before meeting you? Sometimes, I think the sheer repetition of the process of murder could have sustained me for a very long time. I like this strength we share, though. With the job being quicker, at times it becomes more of a game. In what way can I blast away those bastard Empire soldiers this time? What do you think, Red?  
4998... 4999... 5000...  
   They just don’t know when to give up. Fucking fleas, they just keep eating away at our land. Keep coming back! I’ll squash every last one of you. Every last one.  
  Maybe the world would be a better place if it was just the two of us.  
9998... 9999... 10000...  
   Even with such a variety, y’know, Red, every kill feels exactly the same. You, and every one else, can’t seem to get off the idea my reasoning isn’t just. I can assure you, this feeling is more than a bloodlust. When their insides splash across my face, I don’t feel anything at all. If it were bloodlust, it’d feel good, wouldn’t it?  
   If this is revenge, it’s not very satisfying.  
  
   I can’t forgive Inuart for anything he did. If he were any other man, I would have killed him immediately for laying a hand on Furiae.  
   I feel incredibly unhinged when she’s not here. Killing feels even less enjoyable when she’s not here to celebrate my victory. I want her to feel the revenge of our parents, too. Most of all, I want to see her a happy, normal girl again.  People must think I’m ignorant. They never let her feelings go, as if I didn’t know. She just wants to be a normal girl, how can that be wrong when so much has been robbed of her?    
   When I think of everything she’s lost, I can’t reject her.  
  
   Of course, Inuart is another story.  
   Furiae loves his songs, as do I, so I can’t justify hurting him. Aside from Furiae, there’s no one else I’ve ever kept close by my side. If I could kill Inuart, I would have done it a long time ago.  
   If I could hear his songs again, I’d like to. Not because they’re good, quite the opposite. They are a symbol of our friendship, of his love, and his loyalty to Furiae. Listening to them feels like home.  
  He’s an idiot, so I have to deal with him as such. The best case scenario would be convincing him to break his pact, of course, because if I don’t, I‘m not sure I could stop myself from killing the Black Dragon. Wouldn’t it be a shame if he died because of that?  
   I forget why I like Inuart so much, but I know it’s not mutual. Idiot, he is, is fueled with jealousy. Jealousy is something I just can’t relate to; I’m not strong because I want to be, I fight as I have to fulfill my revenge. I didn’t force Furiae to love me, it was a choice of her own volition. And least of all, I didn’t ask for a damn dragon to form a pact with.  
   Red just happened to be the only hope I had to live when all those damn Empire soldiers petered out.  
  
   Of course, I’m glad it was you, though.  
   When you can see through my heart, and hear all my thoughts, it’s very hard to hide away how I feel. You weren’t the dragon who hurt me, so I can’t bear my grudge for long. If you were the Black Dragon, I would certainly have killed you on the spot.  
   You're really special. I once thought any dragon would be worth killing to feel good, same as the Empire. Yet, now, the idea of killing you makes my heart sink. Why did it have to be you?  
  
   In our very short time together, our relationship has been the most sensational one I’ve ever experienced. When you butt heads with me, it feels much more genuine than an outsiders viewpoint. Really, the nicest times were when you finally began seeing things my way.  
   If I slaughter every last person here, I truly hope you are the last one I have to kill.  
  
   I enjoy every second of being with you, but in the same respect I’ve begun feeling too embarrassed to see you. You never invade my space or force your way into my heart, so it’s almost more frustratingly annoying you have me on such a tight leash.  
  Without my voice, I find myself thinking a lot more. My mind overflows at times with so much too myself, even if I spoke to you it’s never enough.  I’ve been thinking, though, that if we could end this war, I’d like to stay with you. Would that bother you?    
   Even if you say yes, rest assured I’m not going to leave you.  
  
   Perhaps the most frustrating of all is how I can’t decide what’s too far, anymore. I want to love you as dearly as a human would love another, but I’m not sure where to start. Not long after fussing over the ideas in my mind, a quick kill on the side is the only distraction to comfort me.  
   Without Furiae, I would have thought I’d collapse. With you, just being in the same vicinity makes me want to fall apart.  
  
999,998... 999,999... 1,000,000...  
   Eventually, I’m going to lose count, y’know? You must have good memory, make sure you remember each and every one. Remember how good it feels to be covered in the blood of another, remember how amazing it feels to have such power over another’s life, remember how enticing the hunt becomes.  
   In the same respect, I’ll remember how divine it feels to be so close to you, and only you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Maybe leave a comment and tell me what you think? :3c  
> See y'all in a good 5-some years when I remember about Drakengard and suddenly have to write again~ www


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